#but used to be between 7 and 8)

[egophiliac]

What do you think of Rook's savanaclaw card? <333

I didn't get him (and I need to save my keys for Silver's birthday, sob) so I looked up his groovy, and I'm not over how incredibly dramatic and epic and cool it looks in direct contrast to the absolutely ridiculous context. just look at that dynamic action and his majestic sparkling tears and keep in mind that this is pretty much right after a bunch of characters have been dance battling for his soul.

and then even the actual moment of the groovy is just like

this is NOT a negative in the slightest, I love it all, this truly was an incredible update in so many ways

[secrettreestuffidk]

you ever think about how pretty much the only reason we use base10 is because we have 10 fingers and if everyone had 6 fingers on each hand we'd use base12 and never even think a thing of it and also math would be pretty much better in every way?

[yaminerua]

nothing makes me feel more pathetic than when I’m trying to do a basic as fuck sum in my head and my brain is giving me absolutely nothing

not a single gear moving up there. Brain just clocks out when numbers are involved and trying to force it to figure out even the simplest calculations physically feels excruciating and exhausting

meanwhile my dad and my brother will be looking at me like I’m some alien experiment bc how can I be so stupid that I can’t do this shit in my head?

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Throwback to the first time I saw my friend in like a year, after only texting for that year, and she said, "My soul hurts. My grandfather got in a blood feud with a witch and now I only have 7/8 of a soul," and she said it with such sincerity, and I didn't know her sense of humor that well yet, so I fully believed that she believed she only had 7/8 of a soul. And I sat on that for three weeks, until I finally got up the courage to ask her if she was serious or if it was a bit and she IMMEDIATELY laughed at me because of course it was a bit. But in my defense, she said it with such sincerity that all of the others that heard it believed she was serious too

[finnstansonly]

My shoulder is out of place and it’s just like. Every time my body does something i get shocked like I don’t have dislocation inflammation throbbing achey hurty disorder.

“cannot BELIEVE my shoulder is slipping out of place rn this is absolutely unprecedented! the pain!!” It has happened literally 50 different times

[mossycobbld]

my ass is already making a fic about seventh floor and third floor.. i havent written any fanfiction like this in SUCH a long time

[pears-trinkets]

.

[vermillioncrown]

Fuck you and your writing. What the hell. How tbe fuck did you make a tasteful brothel scene, how the hell did you manage to do all this shit. This chapter was fuckin heart wrenching. I wanted to see WWX get fucked up and then he did and it wasn't satisfying, but it was good writing and i liked it regardless. God. How the hell did you do this shit. What the fuck.

:^) thank you, i hit my target :^) :^)

=

because i really, really cared about getting the exact flavor of this chapter right, so much so that it took over a year.

the brothel scene is so important in what it means in the fic, which is more than showing that zyx fucked. or that zyx fucked a girl for real. or to do some questioning of sexuality.

(which i think i had to go through the five stages of grief when someone excitedly talked about it like having sex means someone is no longer aspec like... every day i am confronted by the fact we all coexist with vastly different perspectives on reality, and these realities are all true to some extent, sigh)

it's also not about being edgy and buying hookers, getting drunk, and all that.

so without using prostitution, nightlife, and sex as a prop and just being real with it, i hope that it doesn't come off goofy, edgy, or objectifying. the perils of trying to convey complicated feelings without therapy speak in-fic, and being really honest in someone's motivations and reactions (bc, unavoidably, it IS an SI).

the brothel scene and its whole fallout was so important, in fact, that i rewrote the entire order of the chapter. originally, the scenes were supposed to be in chronological order. logical, but it just felt like a boring recounting of events. sure, the events are fresh and we wanna see what zyx-mess happens next, but it's just a bunch of 'and then, and then, and then'. works for interlude chapters (ch8, ch15), but this really isn't one.

seguing, i learned a lot from how i wrote bil. dbd will never be as lean as bil, but it reminded me that when i drafted the fic, i focused on certain developments and ideas for a reason. also, since it's a chapter that doesn't involve too many canon characters, which let's be real that's usually the reason we stick around these kinds of fics, it needed to have purpose and be clear about what feeling it's trying to convey

even at the cost of simplicity in order of events

it would have been so difficult to keep the type of upset that zyx is feeling through a chapter that spans months, develops two interpersonal relationships, has a big oopsie, in chronological order without a too-angsty tone. too many periodic reminders would feel jarring and obtrusive, and exaggerate it. and that's also just not how zyx (i) deal with upsets, thank you adhd

and like, doing that for 10k+. (eternally i thank my readers for their patience and willingness to read so much bc people don't read fanfic for deep analysis and extra hw...) that's too much.

=

the second most important scene is the wwx duel, you got it. (i'd lump the lxc duel there, too bc those two are kinda related)

(sometimes i worry i made wwx too annoying. but then i talk myself back--it's always perspective. wwx isn't doing more than he already did in canon. we just have someone who can articulate how they feel about what he does, and he's not the main narrator of dbd.)

we get to a very clear demonstration of zyx as a character--it's more or less "i have no mouth and i must scream". here's your chance to be violent. you know you want it. do it. act out, make yourself heard.

zyx doesn't do it.

and you know what? i will be honest, truly honest here: i am sorry if you can instantly clock why zyx is the way they are, because for real 'recognition of the self in the other'.

lack of satisfaction--when you know what you wanted all along was for something to have never have happened at all, would punishment (displaced punishment) satisfy you? would it fix you? sometimes it helps, just for a moment. but i've answered this question enough times that i know i'd rather have never had to ask that question in the first place.

=

tldr: it's because it's a chapter about emotional honesty, and i as the author was really fucking honest and tried my fucking best to convey that.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Various images from the past year or so... posting my evil little photo diary collections once again..

[17gz]

i think i might go forward w the full time position at my job. happy yet defeated.

[fi-wardsword]

wip wednesday

[transsextual]

these dogs I'm dogsitting are going to fix my fucking sleep schedule

[supercantaloupe]

agh i don't know if i should drive or take the train home next weekend

[thinkingnot]

thinking about how the average age of getting electronics exposure has been getting lower and lower and how it probably contributed to tiktok blowing up as a platform

(a correlation)

[galmiahthepigeon]

Oh I'm so embarrassed about the reaction I'm having to The News

[grinchwrapsupreme]

life is a constant cycle of "if i do my physio will i have time to shower?" "if i shower will i have time to cook food?" "if i cook food will i have time to wash dishes?" "if i wash dishes will i have time to do laundry?" "if i do laundry will i have time to clean my house?" "if i clean my house will i have time to eat?" "if i do the things necessary for living will i have time to do my hobbies?" and between it all is Working A Job and having to replace things as they break without being able to buy anything you actually want